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Shannon sharpe 5c 22bench press 5c 22 reps championship sunday |
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By: Paul Teeple I literally cannot think of an NFL conference championship that I have been more excited about since I was in kindergarten here in Cleveland in the week leading up to "The Fumble." Hell, I was psyched up for this weekend even before Steve Smith single-handedly sent the Bears to the golf courses last Sunday evening. But how to properly encapsulate my excitement? So I've decided to keep this blog alive with a running log of my observations from the telecasts of today's games. Here we go... - PS2 flipped off at 2:55 pm est. Thankfully, I've successfully avoided all pregame festivities on CBS. I'm not saying that the pregame show is equal parts interminably long and intolerable... wait, yes I am. - Holy crap. Deacon Jones just spent 2-3 minutes scaring the living crap out of me. I never got the chance to watch him play, but based purely on intimidation factor, I can believe he's a Hall of Fame defender. He just single-handedly ruined the word "tease" for me. TSE was unable to find any political borders for "Denver Bronco Nation" - I didn't think the first 15 minutes would yield this many observations, but I clearly underestimated CBS. Within 10 seconds of opening the broadcast, Jim Nantz (who I really like) just said, "Denver Bronco Nation." Damnit, people! If one more sportscaster says "nation" and they're not referring to either A) the Boston Red Sox fandom; or B) a politically sovereign state; I'm going to lose my freaking mind. - Pittsburgh is already catching the breaks. Their first drive they dodge a Champ Bailey pick-six and then they have a fumble overturned on a challenge by The Chin. Sure it's only 3-0, but I'm looking at this like a 6-10 point swing in favor of the Steelers. - Maybe I'm missing something here or maybe I'm just not classy enough to make the connection... but what do shoeless hippies dancing on chairs in the middle of the desert have to do with a Hummer H3?!? - Troy Polamalu is a ninja. I swear to god. There is no other logical explanation for one player to be so many places on the field at one time. That tackle on Tatum Bell to save a first down was pure witchcraft. - I could do without Phil Simms. Usually, like most NFL color commentators, he's ignorably innocuous but today he's downright forgettable. Between pulling repeated 180's like a drunk kid playing Tony Hawk during the review of Parker's fumble and his saying things like "The Steelers like to throw the ball to the outside but also like to try throwing it across the middle," let's just say he's not having his strongest game. I think it's a side-effect of his lingering sadness that the refs ruled his son's would-be TD pass to Edell Shepherd incomplete in the Wild Card round. - I wasn't going to criticize Jake Plummer after the fumble. I wasn't. But after that inexplicably bad interception, the Steelers have scored 14 points off of Jake Plummer turnovers and the game changed from exciting to ass-kicking; 24-3 Stillers heading into the half. I hate to say I told you so--wait, no I don't--I told you that Jake Plummer was gonna do this. It was a matter of time. - I'll use halftime as a break to go get food and expertly avoid letting Shannon Sharpe and Boomer Esiason ruin my Championship Sunday experience. You tell her, Roy! - And we're back... and I hate Bonnie Bernstein. And it's not any of that Andy Rooney "women don't belong on the sidelines" BS. Women like Pam Oliver, Erin Andrews and Holly Rowe get a really bad name from airheads like Bonnie. It all started for me after the 2003 NCAA Basketball finals. Roy Williams could NOT have been clearer: stop asking about UNC. Yet she persisted. And so I hate her. And those hats. They drive me insane. What the frigging hell are her producers thinking, letting her on the air wearing that crap?!? You know I'm watching a national CBS telecast on a Sunday when about 5 minutes into either half you hear me scream "TAKE OFF THAT HAT, WHORE!!" (pardon my language... I just can't stand her) - Touchdown, Broncos. At 24-10, do we have a game? I still say it's over. But my buddy Dunn, a diehard Steelers fan, isn't as sold as I am. "Dude, the Oilers were kicking way more ass in 1993 than the Steelers were at halftime here." Yes, he just invoked the most massive collapse in playoff history. Isn't that like saying "MacBeth" backstage at a theater? I still say this one's over. -27-17. Did you say over? Pittsburgh was practically begging Denver to score on that drive. Those penalties were just brainless. It's like they said to Plummer, "Here, Jake, have this game. We don't really want to win anyway." Dunn, did you really invoke the '93 Oilers-Bills game?? Yikes. - Jake to Pittsburgh, "No thanks. In case you forgot, I'm Jake Plummer and it's January." On top of the fumble, he was being entirely too nonchalant on that drive, treating it almost like they were playing ball control when in fact they were down 2 scores. Jake's best Donovan McNabb impersonation results in his fourth turnover of the day. - Wouldn't want to end this game without giving massive kudos to Ben Roethlisberger. He just torpedoed into the end zone to truly ice the game at 34-17, and he's been playing like a man all day. 21-29 for 275 yards, 2 pass TD, 1 rush TD and 0 turnovers. Bit of a different stat line from the 2005 AFC title game against the Pats, no? - Raised a Browns fan, I think I'll get kicked out of Cleveland for saying this, but I was kind of happy to see Dan Rooney be given the AFC Championship trophy. And that's not because I'm some sort of closet Steelers fan, but because of the way he disowned Art Moddell--until that point his closest friend in the NFL--after ol' Unky Artie plowed my hometown in its collective tuchis back in '95. Congrats to Mr. Rooney and dem Stillers. - For once I'm glad I catch a sliver of a pregame show; not only does Frank Caliendo do an absolutely sick John Madden impersonation, but also because who doesn't love a classic Bob-Costas-is-a-midget blast? And also Terry Bradshaw has picked the Steelers to win the Super Bowl a good ten minutes before kickoff in the NFC title game (though Terry's been sans-frontal lobe since 1980, so we've got to take everything he says with a grain of salt). - As Carrie Underwood is singing the national anthem, my buddy Adam has placed the over/under for American Idol promos during the NFC Championship game at 15. I took the over. WAY OVER. - Two drives into the game for Carolina and #89 hasn't even sniffed the ball yet. Could Mike Holmgren actually have designed a defensive gameplan around stopping Steve Smith?? Is Lovie Smith watching this game and taking notes? - Somewhere in Los Angeles, Pete Carroll is smiling. Between Troy Polamalu's ninjutsu and Lofa Tatupu's stellar play--the INT and the obliteration of Nick Goings--USC is being represented extremely well in the title games. Wait, what's that? Keary Colbert? Never heard of him. - Two INT's already from Jake Delhomme. Did he and Plummer have a phone conversation this morning, discussing how to try to do too much and destroy their teams' chances? This is astounding. - Shaun Alexander TD, making it 17-0 with 10 straight Seattle points off Jake Delhomme interceptions. I'm not-so-secretly cheering for Alexander to have a big game, hoping he proves his critics who say he's the Peyton Manning of running backs wrong. - 17-7 after Steve Smith finally makes a play. Far be it for me to ever question the judgment of Ed Hochuli... but with the soft calls that his crew is always making on blocks in the back on punt returns, how do you pick up that flag? Kudos to John Fox on the lobbying job; if he can convince Ed Hochuli to pick up a flag, I'm considering retaining him as my agent so he can talk a minor league hockey team into giving me a job. - It's halftime, and before I make another extended fridge run, I thought I'd note that Shaun Alexander has an extremely quiet 80 yards. He's having a game where he'll make 2-4 runs for almost nothing then break a 10+ yarder. Still, he's well on his way to 100+. - I already mentioned her earlier, but I want to reiterate that I really like Pam Oliver. She, unlike Bonnie, adds something to the broadcast and at the very least puts off the air that she isn't a total sock puppet for her producers (*coughBonnie'sRoyWilliamsinterviewcough*). Her reports are timely and informative and when FOX has her teamed up with Chris Myers, they do a great job bringing information from the sidelines that isn't just fluff. And maybe this is the television news director that lives in the back of my head saying this but... there's a hell of a lot to be said for dressing like a professional on the sideline. - Shaun is over 100 now after picking up 27 yards on the Seattle TD drive that made it 27-7. He seemed to be running much better on that drive and his runs of 16 and 8 yards were off right tackle, so you can't even credit them to Pro Bowl LT Walter Jones. I'd still rather have John Fox as my agent. - Man, do I ever love that "Time to get your story straight" NFL Network commercial. I first saw it during the Wild Card round game between the Steelers and Bengals and fell off my couch laughing. It had me at the "smooth sailing for the Minnesota Vikings" sex cruise reference, then it proceeded to completely blast everybody's least favorite "super agent" Drew Rosenhaus. I was just stunned (in a good way) that the league called him out, by name, in a commercial during the playoffs. Massive props to the NFL for having the cojones to positively lay out the man who created such negative attention around the league this summer and fall. "There's a guy who knows how to handle his athletes." - The third quarter has passed without much fanfare, and this game is a total rout. I haven't eaten real food all day so I think I'm going to listen on the radio as I go get some grub. - Note to anyone passing through northern Summit County in Ohio: DO NOT GO TO THE NORTHFIELD MCDONALD'S! It took them a solid 25 minutes from the time I handed them my money till the time they handed me my bag of food. And of course they screwed up the order. But I digress. In the time that it took McDonald's to completely enfuriate me, the teams traded touchdowns and Shaun Alexander was pulled from the game. I'm not entirely sure he should've been out on the field at all after he ran in his 2nd TD. That's just asking Carolina's D to launch themselves at his knee or his previously-concussed dome. The only move all day that I've disagreed with Holmgren on. - It's gone final in Seattle, Seahawks take the 34-14 win. And it wasn't even that close. The 'Hawks completely dominated defensively and offensively. I'm honestly torn about this Super Bowl matchup. Both teams are well-coached and are playing their best football right now. The one thing that sticks out in my mind, though, is that Pittsburgh has been nails on the road while Seattle has been less than stellar away from Qwest Field. Early indications point toward an enormous party at the confluence of the Ohio, Allegheny and Monongehela rivers on February 5th. - I'm waiting awhile to officially post this because I want to see if there is any fallout from either game from either sour grapes (ie Marvin Lewis and Bill Belichick) or some injuries that we weren't made aware of during the games. - Vegas has officially installed the Steelers as 4 point favorites in Super Bowl XL. Oops!! - Nothing salient to note here, except something fun I noticed on ESPN while I was talking with Jed and watching some Grey's Anatomy (total guilty pleasure, Chalifoux knows what I'm talking about). We were discussing their new layout and I was talking about things I liked and didn't like so I was looking at it critically and I noticed something dreadfully wrong with their headline graphic. You can see it pictured on the right hand side here with the glaring mistake circled for emphasis. Within 10 minutes of my noticing the error and pointing it out to Jed, ESPN had taken the graphic down. I couldn't imagine this action had anything to do with some colorfully worded emails they no doubt received from western PA. Sure, it was probably just a lazy and/or careless mistake by a graphics person, but you know Pittsburgh will take any slights, real or perceived, and have a field day with them. That's a massive, massive faux pas on the part of the Worldwide Leader. This concludes my blogging day, my next article will consider another telecast I watched this weekend: the NHL on NBC. |
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