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When the draft weekend is over, the trendy thing to do is to give out “grades” to each team for their drafting performance. I’m sure that as soon as the draft ends on Sunday, most big sports networks are pumping out an analysis and subsequent letter grade on each team. You’ll see plenty of websites do it; Mel Kiper Jr. for instance, gave his grades yesterday, but you can only see them if you are an ESPN Insider.
First of all, I have a big problem with this exclusive “Insider” crap…but I digress. Thankfully Ryan and I do not subscribe to this type of secret-handshaking behavior (“when the money’s gone, it’s to leave”), nor do we favor the judgmental tradition of handing out letter grades. If Ryan and I ran a school, we would probably opt for the more experimental philosophy, allowing each child to identify a feeling associated with their performance (if you are familiar with Maebe on Arrested Development you know what I’m talking about). Handing out ridge, traditionalist assessments doesn’t quite seem fair in our opinion and, let’s face it, we are in no particular position to judge.
Therefore, instead of grades this year, I’ll be handing out feelings for each team to describe their draft. If anyone has any questions, they can refer them to Ryan.
Arizona Cardinals: Warm. As in that warm feeling of finally coming out of NFL obscurity with a great draft. Everytime I think of the Cardinals I can’t help but think of that one year where they had two first-round picks and they used them on Bryant Johnson and Calvin Pace. Expect a big turn-around this year with Leinart, Duece Lutui and Leonard Pope, all of whom were great picks in the right spots.
Atlanta Falcons: Satisfied. Okay, I know this is a stretch, but the Falcons do seem to know what they’re doing. They got Abraham in that deal with the Jets for their first rounder and then proceeded to draft specifically for speed in the later rounds. I really wanted the Packers to pick up Jimmy Williams, I thought he slipped way too far. Crafty moves in getting Jerious Norwood and D.J. Shockley, two sick athletes.
Baltimore Ravens: Tenative. As in why did they trade up one spot for Haloti Ngata? And what have they really done to improve their team? I like the pick of Chris Chester in the second round and PJ Daniels in the fourth, but I don’t think this team is any better because of those two players.
Buffalo Bills: Bewildered. Do the Bills look at the same draft board as everyone else? Do they get a complete list of players? If so, what the hell are they doing drafting Donte Whitner 10-15 picks before anyone expected him to go. I heard a rumor that the Broncos tried to offer the Bills their #15 pick with a second rounder for this pick, but the Bills wouldn’t even listen. Ridiculous. McCargo was a huge reach at #26 as well.
Carolina Panthers: Eager. I’m definitely eager to see D’Angelo Williams play. The Panthers must have been shocked to see him fall into their lap. They also get the replacement corner for Ricky Manning Jr. in Richard Marshall. The Panthers also seem to like Virginia Tech players, as they took three of them this year.
Chicago Bears: Withdrawn. I don’t mind if a team trades down to get more picks, but you should at least address your needs with those new-found picks. The Bears came into the draft needing another weapon on offensive, but instead they took two safeties with their first two picks. Were they too timid to take a TE? I don’t know.
Cincinnati Bengals: Apprehensive. Here’s another team that needed a TE and didn’t get one. I get apprehensive when I look at a draft like this and see nothing of substance. A lot of people had questions about the players that the Bengals took. I really don’t see any winners. Sorry Marvin.
Cleveland Browns: Elated. You gotta like what the Browns have been doing. They signed a bunch of good players in the off-season and then drafted some real talent, especially on the defensive side of the ball. They got two good linebackers in D’Qwell Jackson and Leon Williams, who are both great value picks. The Browns did a great job with their four overall picks in the fourth and fifth rounds.
Dallas Cowboys: Relaxed. Things are looking up in Big D as the Cowboys have put together most of the pieces for their 3-4 defense. Bobby Carpenter fits Parcell’s system perfectly, a smooth flowing linebacker who can pressure the QB. I don’t like many of their late round picks, but they did well enough in the first day to get by.
Denver Broncos: Intrigued. I don’t know if I would’ve traded up for Cutler, but the fact that Mike Shanahan thought so much of him makes me curious. Jake Plummer is only 31, so it’s not as if he’s ancient, but can you name the Broncos back-up quarterback last year? Didn’t think so.
Detroit Lions: Sad. Everyone must feel sad for Matt Millen. He just can’t do anything right. He had the perfect opportunity to take Matt Leinart at number nine, but he’s under so much pressure from taking offensive players in the past that he just couldn’t justify it. Ernie Sims might turn out to be a good LB, but he has to get past the concussion problems. The Ford family needs to let Millen go.
Green Bay Packers: Thankful. We needed this draft. In fact, we needed this off-season. A lot of people feel that the Packers have done things horribly wrong recently, but I feel like it’s a lot of things that they couldn’t really control. Injuries killed them last year, while Javon Walker turned out to be a head-case. Neither of these things helped much and alongside those problems, the Packers are going about the process of making the transformation to a younger squad. They made a great step by focusing on defense this year. They could struggle on offensive without Walker this season, but I’m lot less worried knowing we have Hawk and Hodges patrolling the LB spot.
Houston Texans: Insecure. Let’s hope Mario Williams knows that he has the power to clean out GM Charlie Casserly’s desk in Houston. That’s what happens when you pick the second best player first.
Indianapolis Colts: Jealous. You have to think that the Colts were dying when they saw both D’Angelo Williams and Laurence Maroney go before them in the #30 spot. Don’t get me wrong, I think Joseph Addai will be serviceable, but he seems more like a second-round back. The Colts did a nice job of picking no-namers throughout this draft.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Obsessed. USC grad Jack Del Rio takes two UCLA players in the first two rounds. No seriously, I like both Marcedes Lewis and Maurice Drew (even though he’s like 5’4), but couldn’t you have branched out a little?
Kansas City Chiefs: Ardent. The Chiefs continue their string of picking defensive players, and why not? Tamba Hali definitely has Pro Bowl talent, though he might be a little under-sized. I do not think Brodie Croyle will pan-out as a prospect. They may have gotten a steal with Marcus Maxey in the third round.
Miami Dolphins: Hopeless. I don’t like any of the Dolphins’ picks. Jason Allen wasn’t worth the #16 pick, Derek Hagen is overrated in the third round and they even drafted a player, Rodrique Wright who probably won’t play in 2006 because of a rotator cuff injury.
Minnesota Vikings: Distracted. There are no guarantees for the Vikings in their draft class. They took some risks, including taking a no-name center, Ryan Cook in the middle of the second round and trading up later in the same round to draft a quarterback from Alabama State, Tarvaris Jackson. Word on the street is that they wanted Kellen Clemens who was stolen from them by the New York Jets. Oh, those craft Jets! The Vikings were probably thinking about their new jerseys (no pun intended).
New England Patriots: Empowered. Damn! Doesn’t it seem like they draft well every year? I love almost all of their picks including some of the later round guys like Dan Stevenson and Ryan O’Callaghan (why doesn’t he just call himself Ryan McIrishman?). They made some great trades and really improved their offense. They’ll have a totally new look next year.
New Orleans Saints: Appreciative. Here’s an excerpt from a letter I intercepted on draft day: Dear Texans GM Charlie Casserly, Thanks! Love, The City of New Orleans
New York Giants: Impatient. Someone explain why the Giants needed Mathias Kiwanuka? They already have Strahan and Umenyiora. The one thing that saved them was taking Sinorce Moss in the second pick. Great value pick following a horrible one.
New York Jets: Serene. For once Jets fans can breathe easily. They had a solid draft. I think Jets fans will actually enjoy this for a few months until they realize how terrible their defense is.
Oakland Raiders: Tickled. You have to think that Al Davis was plenty pleased to see Michael Huff still available at #7. He’s a perfect black-and-silver guy: great speed and can hit. They did a great job getting more help in Thomas Howard and Darnell Bing, both of whom bring that same Raiders mentality.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Spellbound. Just when you think these guys can’t do anything to improve themselves, they go and get an impact player like Santonio Holmes. They had a bunch of solid later round picks as well and you know with their history that two or three of these guys will turn into Pro Bowl-caliber players. Disgusting.
Philadelphia Eagles: Surpised. I did not expect the Eagles to have a good draft, but they seemed to have noticed my naivety. They filled holes with all four of their first picks, getting big names and big bodies to cover spots on the O- and D-lines. I love the gamble on Jeremy Bloom as well, the kid can flat-out fly (no mogul pun intended).
Saint Louis Rams: Revived. The Rams had a solid draft, but I think the most important part of next year will be what head coach Scott Linehan brings to the table. He’s a great football mind and has been able to help turn around several franchises like Minnesota and Miami. I like that they were able to get the two big tight ends, Byrd and Klopfenstein to help out in the offense. They are on the right track for rebuilding.
San Diego Chargers: Numb. Numb is what you would have to be to draft Antonio Cromartie in the first round. Here’s a guy who didn’t even play in 2005 and only got pushed up the draft because of some eleventh hour hype his agent probably created. I don’t like this pick and I don’t like the rest of the Chargers draft either.
San Francisco 49ers: Enlivened. All the 49ers did was go out and get a bunch of sick athletes. Vernon Davis is not so much a football player as he is a physical carnival. The same can be said for Manny Lawson. They then go out and get themselves two speeders, in Michael Robinson and Brandon Williams. To be honest, I don’t know if these guys can play football in the NFL, but I sure as hell know they can run. It’s a toss up whether this was a good draft or not.
Seattle Seahawks: Foreboding. This is the kind of draft that the Seahawks used to have, a couple years before they went to the Super Bowl. They’d draft some fourth corner and a back-up defensive end. I think the best value pick they got was Rob Sims in the fourth round. Outside of him, I don’t think anyone else will contribute next year.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Expectant. The Bucs knew they didn’t have a whole lot of holes to fill so they drafted for the long-term. Translation: this was not a sexy draft for Tampa Bay. They got some help on both lines, they picked up some back-ups and potentially grabbed some sleepers in the late rounds (see: T.J. Williams).
Tennessee Titans: Anxious. I would use the word bi-polar, but I fear our friends in the medical community might be upset. This was a huge risk-reward draft for the Titans. If Young pans out, they should be fine. If White pans out, they’ll probably be okay as well. If both pan out, they’ll be the best team in the division. If they neither one pans out…well…then I’ll be right. That’s right, I don’t like either pick and I don’t think either guy will live up to his potential. It needed to be said.
Washington Redskins: Bored. I’m pretty sure that the Redskins show up at the draft only because they have to. Daniel Synder would be much more comfortable letting other teams draft and then simply buying their selections. Trading up to get Rocky McIntosh? That’s pretty bad.
I am now watching the NBA finals and heard Jason Terry, when asked what they had to do to run around a three game losing streak say "well, my faith is in God."
Sigh. And how many AmeriChristians hear that and turn to each other and say, "isn't it nice when these young boys express their faith in God?"
Dude. Everyone knows that if God is an NBA fan she wouldn't cheer for either of these teams. Personally, I think God is WAY too busy helping Mike Shanahan revamp the Bronco defense to be concerned about the Dallas Mavericks.
See how silly that sounds?
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