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Here is where we continue where we left off yesterday with Part 1, with a firm understanding of the very basics of football we can move on to who actually matters in the wacky world of professional football...

THE HYPE
What? Hype over football? Yes. I know, I know. You can’t escape it. It’s the price we pay for playing just one game per week. It leaves the other six days open to gross prognostication, berating, smack-talking and armchair quarterbacking. With 4 weeks of pre-season, the hype is unbearable. That is why were are so glad for Thursday's opener to be upon us. Put up or shut up. Heh, I just typoed that as “shit up�. Quite a different effect, eh?

THE DEFENDING SUPERBOWL CHAMPS â€" That would be the Pittsburgh Steelers, quarterbacked by Ben Roethlisberger. His summertime motorcycle accident should have no effect on his game, so feel free to tell off those that say he’ll suck. If he does, it won’t be for that reason, maybe it’ll be because of his recent appendectomy. Seriously, is this guy doomed, or what? Superbowl MVP, Hines Ward is will still be carrying the ball for Pitt, and Palomalu will be mucking it up on defense. But they lost Antwaan Randle El to the Redskins and Jerome Bettis to retirement.

THE BRIDESMAID â€" Peyton Manning and his Indianapolis Colts. Can MasterCard do a spot with the team in bridesmaid dresses? Please! Just think, Brady and Roethlisberger can be the bride and groom (Brady is the girl, if there was question) and then entire Colts team can be the wedding party. You think Dungy would dress up in frills? Anyway, look for another offensively dominating season from the Colts. They aren’t going to start sucking anytime soon. But their best running back, Edgerrin James, left for the Arizona Cardinals which does not speak highly of hopes to win a ring this year. Keep those dresses boys. D-Caf!

CINDERELLA - The New Orleans Saints are on everyone’s list as the golden child this year. They are back home and under a new coaching staff. Could you write a better story? Sure, make sure they win and make sure Reggie Bush lives up to the hype. Do I sound cynical? Good.

SPOILERS
--> The Green Bay Packers. Just kidding! Testing you to see if you silly kids are still paying attention. Brett Favre and his Packers have pretty much no tools in their shed, their season will be like trying to build Ikea furniture with thumb tacks and silly string, you think it might work but eventually it will all come tumbling down. However, in true spoiler fashion look for them to wreak some havoc on teams looking for playoff berths late in the season. Cheeseheads are assholes like that. I am not biased.
--> The Carolina Panthers, should make a run for this show this season. Coach John Fox rivals Belichick in brilliance. A more than solid defense and my fantasy QB, Jake Delhomme (think Brett Favre, but younger and with less interceptions) will win their division easily.
--> Terrell Owens is an asshole. A talented, mother fudging asshole. There is only one person in the NFL that I would think could curb his assholio ways, Bill Parcells. Hmmm. Curious. Oh, Dallas Cowboys, I wonder what will happen with yew.
--> Miami will look to threaten with Daunte Culpepper at QB, it seems his knee is all healed from last season’s explosion. The coaching staff is there, and while the talent seems to be there too, they still have a lot to prove.
--> Everyone says poor LaDainian Tomlinson, one of the league’s best RBs on an average team. Hello, that's you, San Diego Chargers. You have so much potential. isn't it about time? But Philip Rivers as QB? I have a feeling he might just surprise us.

EVERYONE ELSE â€" Sorry to lump the rest of the league in one paragraph here, but this is getting long!

AFC East
--> The New England Patriots will continue to be strong behind coach Bill Belichick and QB Tom Brady. Brady is no longer overrated, he’s the real-deal.
--> To be any sort of challenge at all, the Bills in Buffalo will be putting a lot of pressure on RB McGahee and QB Jim Kelly. Whoops. Jim Kelly is retired and like 70. Who’s the QB in Buffalo? Exactly.
--> Penni and the Jets will continue on as they have, that is with mediocrity. Does Pennington even have a shoulder left?
AFC North
-->The Cincinnati Bengals are consistently not-sucking, and by not-sucking I mean good! Let’s see if Palmer is all better after last season’s late knee injury--with Kitna gone from the back up spot, the team’s hopes kind of rest on that.
--> Baltimore’s Ravens will need more than Ray Lewis to stay in contention. If he’s healthy, expect some big wins, but not enough to matter.
--> In Cleveland, the Browns (who wear orange, go figure) will most likely be sucking again.
AFC South
--> It blows that the Jacksonville Jaguars have a tougher than average schedule and share a division with the Colts. They are kinda stuck until Peyton and Dungy decide to implode.
--> Why does Texas get two teams? Especially when the Houston Texans are so bad. Even if their QB was half-way decent, he very well can’t throw from the prone position people.
--> However, the Tennessee Titans will battle them for the sucktitude title. No longer hiding behind iron-man Steve McNair (who is now throwing for the Ravens), you will see all the ugly that’s fit for television.
AFC West
--> Is it just me, or are other people also surprised with the consistent level of play of the Kansas City Chiefs? They are always good, but don’t ever seem to do anything about it. Expect more of the same. QB Trent Green will put up good numbers, Tony Gonzalez will dazzle at tight end and I hear they’ve improved the defensive line. Somehow though, it all seems so blah.
--> For me, the Denver Broncos are the opposite…frequently gritty and dazzling all at the same time, you expect them to win ‘em all. And yet they don’t. But they’re still good. Has Plummer cut his coif yet? Maybe that’s the key…
--> The Oakland Raiders are just proof that full-of-talent cry babies (see Randy Moss, Jerry Porter) do not a team make. You have a sick stadium, but that won't get you in the playoffs.
NFC East
--> Tiki Barber will continue to hold on to the ball and the veteran-laden New York Giants should rally behind him. Game to watch, Eli Manning v. Peyton Manning for Indy’s home opener on 9/10. The two QB’s have never played against each other before. Mama Manning, start your tears.
--> I’d like to see the Philadelphia Eagles play spoiler to the division, but I don’t know how much hope I should hold out for McNabb and company. Nice to have the cancer out of the locker room, though.
--> Time for Gibbs to put up or shut up, the Washington Redskins can’t skate by the skin of their teeth any longer. Points are what win football games, no matter how solid your D is.
NFC North
--> Purple pride has got a new coach and a new owner. Let’s hope it doesn’t take the Minnesota Vikings a year to gel. Brad Johnson, while not a long-term QB, can be effective. Let’s also hope he stays healthy and the rest of them team stays off drugs and party boats.
--> Da Bears are good. Well, solid. But like everyone else I am curious to see how Grossman pans out. If he's all that he touted to be...look out. But their backup QB is now Griese. And Griese never brings anything good with him. I wonder why Orton was bumped to third?
--> So with a new coach and crazy Mike Martz, do the Detroit Lions get another three rebuilding years? Looks like it.
NFC South
--> Chuckie (Coach John Gruden) is still at it over at the Tampa Bay Bucaneers HQ. Cadillac Williams and a couple of decent receivers will try to keep them in it offensively. An excellent defense will keep them in the thick of it, but like the Redskins, you need points to win.
--> I am sick of people saying the Atlanta Falcons’ Michael Vick is dangerous. Surely he can’t be as dangerous as his brother, Marcus Vick, can he? I mean is he packing under those pads?
NFC West
--> The Seattle Seahawks have no reason not to continue where they left off last season, that is with a SuperBowl loss but also with a fantastic season led by league MVP Shaun Alexander. Plus how fun is it to say Lofa Tatupu? I wish Seattle made a play for Polamalu in the off-season. How many tougue-tied announcers would we have in a safety blitz in that situation?
--> The Arizona Cardinals are the new Bengals. Yeah, I said it. Denny Green, Edgerrin James, Anquan Boldin, a future QB in Matt Leinhart. Give ‘em a year or a reason (season-ending QB injury? It worked for Cinci and Chicago) to be good. But no, I totally have Warner on my fantasy team, no injuries please. Lots of TDs and yards, thank you. Kuuuurt! Dump your butch wife!
--> I am unsure of the Rams, they always seem to have so much potential and can never break through. Was it Martz or lack o' Martz? I guess we’ll see now that he is really gone.
--> So do you think the San Francisco 49ers will suck worse than the Browns? Yeah, I think so too.


Can anyone take a guess as to who will be attending the Monday night Redskins home-opener? Your resident Vikings fan, that’s who! Bring on Johnson’s revenge! And no, I don’t mean a fiery STD. Heh. Ew.

So we headed to IGN and have been looking through this year's Madden roster ratings. Then we decided to do something stupid, rate all of the teams as they appear on Madden. In evaluating all of the teams on Madden we tried to look at a few factors.
First was how many players each team had rated in the 90s, because in Madden the stars are the ones who are most likely to win the game for you.Secondly, I looked at how each team fared at the key Madden offensive positions (QB, RB, TE, and WR) and gave bonus points if they had a strong line.Thirdly we evaluated each team’s ability to pass rush and gave bonus points for highly rated DBs. You can agree or disagree, but I don't value the defense as highly as the offense in Madden. Offense wins games in the video game world.
And lastly we tried to factor in the classic Madden favoritisms that always seem to skew the competitive balance. While it is certainly an imperfect system, it gives you an idea what to expect from each team in this year’s game. So here’s the list with the number of 90 players in parentheses and their grades according to the evaluations. Steelers (10)

Offense: (5)-- Most of this team’s strength is on the defensive side of the ball, but Madden is pretty generous to the offensive line this year. In addition, Hines and Big Ben get fairly favorable scores (94 and 92, respectively) and Heath Miller’s 87 rating makes up for the lack of a top RB.

Defense: (5)-- Polamalu leads the way as he jumped up to a 98 overall, with 93 speed and 95 acceleration. Porter is right behind him as a 97 overall with 85 speed. The corners are pretty solid, as are the rest of the linebackers. You’d like a little more speed on the D-line, but if you blitz with Porter he fills that need.

Outlook: The Steelers lack the classic elements of a strong Madden team, but are ranked number one because of the age old tradition in Madden to make the previous year’s Super Bowl winner a little better than they should be.

Offense: (5)-- While gracing the cover of Madden might not bode well for your on-the-field success, it does wonders for your Madden player. Shaun Alexander is the lucky guy this year and as is customary should get a healthy boost in his gameplay. The Seahwaks have a very strong offense, with a 99 LT (Walter Jones), a 98 RB (Alexander), a 97 FB (Mack Strong), a 93 QB (Hasselbeck) and a 90 WR (Darrell Jackson). They were also very generous to Nate Burleson (87 overall, 91 speed) considering he had 30 catches last year and the same goes for Peter Warrick (81 overall). This balance of running and passing makes the Seahawks one of the best offenses in the game.

Defense: (2)-- The defense isn’t really that spectacular, but it’s pretty solid. Julian Peterson, a long time Madden favorite, gets the top spot for the defense at 96 overall, with 86 speed, and fills the speed rusher slot. Lofa Tatupu makes a huge jump from a last year no-name to a 88 overall MLB with 84 speed. The rest of the D is adequate, with a solid defensive backfield and D-line.

Outlook: The guys at EA always take care of their coverboy and with such a highly rated offensive line and fullback, you should be able to get at least 8-10 yards on most carries. While their defense isn’t anything to write home about, with such an explosive O, you really need only a few stops to secure a win.

Offense: (6)-- The usual suspects are here with Peyton (99), Marvin (97), and Wayne (92) giving the Colts the best passing attack in the game. Throw in Dallas Clark (87) and Brandon Stokely (83) and this is a team for the guy that likes to air it out. Even though Peyton threw his line under the bus last year, Madden took care of them and made Saturday, Glenn and Diem one of the top lines in the game. Joseph Addai (80) and Dominic Rhodes (83) hold back this offense somewhat, but with as good as the passing game is, it almost doesn’t matter.

Defense: (3)-- It starts and ends with Dwight Freeney. 98 overall, 87 speed, 97 acceleration. Those are numbers some RBs would be jealous of. Bob Sanders (90) and Corey Simon (92) round out the other top players. Robert Mathis (87 overall, 85 speed) lines up at LE and gives you a solid option if your opponent tries to stay away from Freeney.

Outlook: Ideally, you’d like a little more balance on offense, but Edge’s two replacements should be sufficient if you need to change it up a little. The defense has speed, that’s for sure and with Freeney on the right side your opponent is going to be rolling to the opposite field a lot.

Offense: (3)-- While some may be a bit leery of an Eli Manning led team in real life, in Madden, this team gives you a lot to work with. Jeremy Shockey always gets love from Madden (97 overall, 84 speed), Tiki stays strong with a 94 rating, and Plaxico Burress comes in at a 90 overall.

Defense: (5)-- Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora (97 and 91 respectively) make it difficult for your opponent to generate any kind of offense outside the tackles. Antonio Pierce (91) and LaVar Arrington (90) will also make it difficult to run up the middle.

Outlook: This team has all the tools that help lead to victories in Madden. A deep threat, a capable over the middle threat, and a reliable RB. Combine that with two DEs and two LBs that can put pressure on the QB and you have an elite Madden team.

Offense: (7)-- So everyone already knows about the Chiefs offense and all they can bring. But thanks to Willie Roaf’s late retirement, the big LT is still a part of the game and rated a 97. Subbing in Priest might fill the hole at FB and give you another passing option.

Defense: (1)-- Although the Madden roster does not reflect the Ty Law signing, the defense is actually in capable hands because of the overall team speed. Derrick Johnson is a capable speed rusher (88 overall, with 87 speed) and Kendrell Bell is a solid run stopper.

Outlook: I think the only thing lacking for this team is a stronger defensive front line and another WR option for Green. But with all their offensive firepower, you probably won’t even notice.

Offense: (4)-- Call me crazy, but Tight Ends are a hugely underrated commodity in Madden. They are a great outlet if you are under pressure, and if your TE is good enough they can develop into a viable first option. Just to let you know, Gates (99) is good enough. If you get the ball anywhere near him, he will catch it and will probably break a few tackles afterwards. Speaking of broken tackles, Ladanian Tomlinson is as good as ever at 97 overall. Their only weakness is at WR, because other than Kenan McCardell (88), they don’t have much.

Defense: (3)-- This team has a lot of guys that can put pressure on your opponent’s QB. With Shawne Merriman (92) free to blitz because of Donnie Edwards (91) you can frustrate your opponent’s passing attack without having to sacrifice your run defense.

Outlook: This team has a lot of playmakers, that most teams don’t. In fact they are the only team with two 99s (Lorenzo Neal is the other). It’s a luxury that you should take advantage of. As far as the defense goes, Merriman will make enough plays to make up for the average DBs.

Offense: (6)-- Ever since Vick got the Madden cover a few years ago, EA has tried to tone down his super-human powers in the game. His speed still hangs at 93, but his Throwing Accuracy (THA) and his awareness have never improved. But Vick will always be a popular Madden player because he adds another element to each offense. Where there normally might be an incompletion, you might turn it into an 11 yard scramble. That’s just how it is. The problems for Vick come when you are forced to pass because outside of Alge Crumpler (96), the options at receiver are pretty poor with Michael Jenkins (82) and Roddy White (81). The good news is, Madden has given Warrick Dunn second life giving him a 90 overall rating to go with 96 speed. It would be nice to have a little more help from the WRs, but having Vick changes things so dramatically that it nearly negates that weakness.

Defense: (6)-- The Falcons have slowly put together a pretty solid D. Led by Keith Brooking (95) and Rod Coleman (94) the Falcons are stocked at nearly every position. With Patrick Kerney (93) and John Abraham (93) at ends, and Lawyer Milloy (92) and DeAngelo Hall (93) in the secondary, the Falcons D is not just an afterthought to Vick anymore.

Outlook: This choice was the toughest of all the teams, because with Vick each player really changes the way they play. But if your opponent uses a quick LB as a spy, you are forced to throw and that’s where the Falcons’ weakness lies. As I said before, TEs are huge in Madden and Crumpler helps a lot, but there’s only so much you can do if you don’t have any reliable WRs.

Offense: (4)-- This team is very similar to the Steelers in that their strength is going to be on defense. With that being said, Steve Smith is no slouch (97 overall, 97 speed) and Delhomme is solid (92 overall, 88 THP, 92 ThACC). Deshaun Foster gets a respectable (87) rating, but Kris Magnum at TE (77) is not ideal.

Defense: (6)-- Speed kills in Madden, and the Panthers have one of the fastest defenses in the game. Julius Peppers is always taken care of (97 overall, 86 speed), Dan Morgan is rated one of the fastest MLBs (92 overall, 85 speed), and with Mike Rucker and Kris Jenkins (91 and 93 overall) you are sure to give your buddy fits with this defense. The DBs are just as good with Lucas (94) and Minter (90) getting the top ratings.

Outlook: While this defense may be one of the best in the game, offense wins games in Madden and the lack of top-flight options outside of Smith keeps this team out of the elite class.

Offense: (6)-- They are balanced, that’s for sure. Chad Johnson (97), Carson Palmer (95), and Rudi Johnson (92) are all solid. I feel like T.J. Housmandezah got shafted a little though (87). An decent TE keeps this team from a higher ranking.

Defense: (1)-- The defense doesn’t really have anything to write home about. Deltha O’Neal (90) and Sam Adams (89) are pretty good, but your only pass rusher is Brian Simmons (87).

Outlook: I like this team, I feel confident with both receievers and the QB has THP (97) and THA (95), but having Reggie Kelly at tight end is a little troublesome.

Offense: (3)-- Never thought I’d see the day the Cardinals have a respected offense. But with Edge (97) holding it down at RB, and two stars at WR in Larry Fitzgerald (93) and Anquan Boldin (92), they are a force. Like the Bengals they lack a top TE, that would make this attack even more dangerous.

Defense: (3)-- They actually aren’t that bad. They have two solid ends in Bertrand Berry (93) and Chike Okafor (87). They have a stud MLB in Karlos Dansby (90). They could be a lot worse.

Outlook: This seems like a team you could select, your buddy will laugh at you and then say “Oh wait they have Fitz, Boldin and Edge.� You could do some damage with that crew. And if you’re feeling lucky, trot out Leinart (81) to run the Cards’ high powered O.

Outlook: Clinton Portis (94) and Santana Moss (92, 97 speed) are about right, and if Chris Cooley was listed as a 97 TE, instead of FB they might rate a little higher. Plus that and Mark Brunell (87) is your starter. I’d probably be tempted to try my luck with Jason Campbell (77).

Outlook: This is one of those teams that if you played with them in Franchise mode they would all improve and you’d have a Super Bowl contender. As of now, you have a 92 QB (Daunte Culpepper), a 92 TE (Randy McMichael), a 91 WR (Chris Chambers), and a 89 RB (Ronnie Brown). Not to mention some big-time players on defense with Zach Thomas and Jason Taylor both rating at 96.

Outlook: This team is like the Indianapolis Colts Lite. You won’t be able to run with them, but you should be able to air it out. Jake Plummer gets a 90 rating and although they don’t have a good tight end, you can run three receiver sets with Rod Smith (90), Javon Walker (89), and Ashley Lelie (85).

Outlook: This is a tough team to handicap. At face value they have a lot of average offensive talent with David Givens (87) and Drew Bennett (86) at receiver, Chris Brown (86) at RB, and Erron Kinney (89) at TE. What makes them interesting is if you bring in Young off the bench. Although he just an 82 overall, with 89 speed you can make a lot happen.

Outlook: At first glance of the Patriots ratings, it looks like the people over at EA may have ended their love affair with the former World Champs. But upon closer examination you see that there are a ton of players rated in the 80s that give them more depth than most of the teams in the league. Unfortunately depth doesn’t really mean much in head-to-head games. But with Daniel Graham (87) and Ben Watson (86) and you can run some pretty good double TE sets, so that’s fun.

Outlook: There used to be a time when McNabb (94) was what Young is now. But with his speed down to 79 and with his receivers, things are not good. You should be helped by a favorable rating for Westbrook (89 overall, 94 speed), but they need some more help. While Madden always takes care of their cover boys, I don’t think McNabb is good enough to carry you anymore.

Outlook: Drew Brees and Joe Horn are the two top players on this offense, but where it gets interesting is with the RBs. Deuce McAllister is listed as the starter with an 88 overall rating to go with 89 speed. But do you leave him in when you have Reggie Bush listed at 87 overall with 97 speed? I doubt it. I’ll be interested to see what they have Reggie listed at when you try him at WR, and also what they have Deuce rated as a FB.

Outlook: I know what you’re thinking, but before you say anything, I just want to say three words. Madden loves Favre (88). If you think this only applies to effusive praise given during an interception-filled loss, you are mistaken.

Outlook: Mike Martz might be gone, but that doesn’t mean his air-it-out team is. Torry Holt is still as good as ever (97 overall, 93 speed) and Marc Bulger (90) is still looked at pretty fondly by EA. The defense is pretty bad and doesn’t really offer you anyone you can attack with.

Outlook: Here’s the good, you have T.O. (97) lined up at WR. Here’s the bad, you have Drew Bledsoe (87) throwing to him. Bledsoe’s arm will come in handy for the deep bombs, but his speed and agility will hold you back against a team with a good pass rush. Having Witten (92) will ease those worries a little, but unless you’re the guy that throws Hail Marys every play, the Cowboys might not be your team.

Outlook: Everything I just said about the Cowboys pretty much applies to the Raiders too. Only you don’t have a good TE, you have Jerry Porter (89) instead. Sounds like fun.

Outlook: It shouldn’t surprise you that the Ravens are strong on defense. If you want to put a lot of pressure on your opponent, this is a good team to do it with. The offense can be shaky at times. Todd Heap (95) will always be reliable, but Mark Clayton (85) and Derrick Mason (90) might not be guys you can rely on all the time. And lastly Jamal Lewis continues to take steps backwards registering at 88, one above backup Mike Anderson.

Outlook: In Madden, the Texans actually aren’t half bad. Domanick Davis (90) is decent and so are Andre Johnson (89) and Eric Moulds (87). David Carr is only a 84, but with a decent cast around him he’s serviceable. Throw in Mario Williams (86) and the Texans might just surprise some people.

Outlook: The Bucs pull of the rare feat of having two FBs rated in the 90s. Unfortunately that probably isn’t going to help you very much. Cadillac Williams registers in at an impressive 90 overall with 93 speed, but the rest of the offense is simply mediocre. Chris Simms is actually not rated as bad as you think given 90 THP, and 88 THA, and Joey Galloway and Michael Clayton are serviceable. Their defense is similar to the Ravens because you have a speed rusher in Rice (95), a stud LB in Brooks (97), and a lockdown corner in Barber (94). But the offense is pretty uninspiring and doesn’t leave much to get excited about.

Outlook: Outside of Muhsin Muhammad (89) and Thomas Jones (88) this team is pretty mediocre. Its nice to have Urlacher and Oguynleye on D, but not enough to make me want to play as Rex Grossman.

Outlook: Believe it or not, the Bears might have a stronger offense than the Jags. With Taylor and Leftwich (89 and 89) as the leaders, the Jaguars are held back because they lack the receiving options. If Leftwich had better mobility he might be able to use his big arm (98 THP) a little better, but with less than stellar receivers in Matt Jones (84) and Ernest Wilford (82) it’s a gamble.

Outlook: Sure they have a lot of 90s, but they all play offensive line. You can try your
luck with Chester Taylor (85) and Brad Johnson (87). Personally I’d rather pass. And if you were hoping that Tavaris Jackson might be fun to sub in, don’t hold your breath, he’s saddled with 73 speed which is less than backup Mike McMahon’s.

Outlook: Charlie Frye (81) isn’t anything exciting, and EA wasn’t very kind to Braylon Edwards (84) or Kellen Winslow (85). Combine that with no pass rusher and they are a tough team to play with.

Outlook: The Bills have the lowest number of players rated in the 80s in the entire league. Their QB, Kelly Holcomb, is a 79. You have Willis McGahee (90) and you have Lee Evans (87), other than that you don’t have much.

Outlook: Jets fans should enjoy Curtis Martin’s (89) last stand in this game, because without him they would suck. Pennington is given a generous 85, but only has Laveranues Coles to work with. This team is pretty bad.

Outlook: The only thing you can say here is ouch. Damien Woody is the only offensive 90, and while Roy Williams (88) and Kevin Jones (87) are adequate, this is not a team you want to go to battle with.

Outlook: These guys may one day be good, but other than Vernon Davis and Antonio Bryant (both 86), the offense is very bad. Alex Smith gets an 82, but that’s not a good thing when your RB (Barlow) is also an 82. Avoid this team like the plague.