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So this is probably my one of only a few Cleveland Browns entries this year. It just is too much of a soulkilling occupation to have to write about a team that breaks your heart all the time. Last year I decided to try my George Costanza: do the exact opposite as every instinct I have is wrong. Sure, the Cleveland Browns still only had a 6-10 campaign but *shrugs* at least then I could drown my sorrows instead of reliving each aggravating loss.
Well, for the Bees the preseason ended ignominiously: they got shellaced by the Bears and it wasn't even a fight. Crennel was furious and he should be. For a team trying to show that it has altered its fundamental culture, going out and playing to not get injured was a weak move. Winning is the salve for all ills in sports. Heck, look what it did to the Bengals and the previously hapless-in-the-post-season Patriots. If the Bees go out in the 2006 season with a string of wins then that momentum will carry them and build their character (it's really hard to be a dick when everyone is winning and doing their job). But does anyone see them going out to a 4-1 start? Heh. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Defense (Dem Bees)
I love Chad Johnson. He's everything that old man TO will look back on and wish he was (cue Neil Young's "Old Man"). Chad is everything the NFL is: entertainment and technical ability. He's clutch, he's a gamebreaker... while also being a great teammate and while revving up the Tuesday through Saturday conversation by adding a really goodnatured glee to the game. None of his game is a petty thug staredown. He's the guy you always want at your party because he makes everyone feel three times better (his teammates, his opponents, the fans). Like Clinton Portis and all of his media-day disguises.
And even last year when he had his hitlist on CBs he was going to burn, he still not only gave the Browns the best nickname in the league (Bees thats Orange in reference to their secondary swarming around) he also gave props to Leigh Bodden as the only CB who shut him down last year.
Now I agree with Gregg Easterbrook about the misleading statistics of defenses. Last year the Bees where top in passing defense... and that was because teams where ahead and where burning the clock by running. Of course I wouldn't even put that up to why the Browns had a horrible running D. Their run defense sucked on a general level. Third string rookies could bust out three digits on them. They could never get into the opposing backfield. Now things weren't horrific: the Bees had one of the best red zone defenses in the L. How that happened? I dunno. Usually a bad defense can be killed within the 20 by play action to the slot or TE. But that didn't happen. The Bees defense always seemed to keep the team within the game. Maybe it was them just learning the 3-4 or maybe the lack of appropriate talent.
Well Phil Savage went out to fix that. And before I continue, let me just say that the future legacy of the Browns might have its emotional turn when owner Randy Lerner agreed to stand with the football man (Savage) and not the parasite (Collins). In the movie this is where they have all that high tension music and everyone is all *eeh-eeh-eeh!* and then you have the big payoff and the scene from the press conference and cheering.
Savage paid off by big FA signings of Ted Washington and Willie McGinest. Those two answer the two big needs of the 3-4 defense: run stopping at the line by the DL setting up penetration by active LBs. The LB is the high value asset on the defense. Everything hinges on their performance. Last year the Browns had no veteran brain. Now with McGinest, Crennel has someone to coach up the LB standouts Andra Davis and Chaun Thompson as well as the first two draftees this year, Kameron Wimbley and D'Qwell Jackson. That both Wimbley and Jackson are possible opening day starters speaks to Savage talent appraisal abilities. Wimbley looks like whoa. Against the Bears Wimbley was the only man who seemed to care and did everything: two QB pressures, chasing down WRs from behind. The guy is one of those new freaky LBs: size and speed. The problem is always rookie mistakes. Jackson and Sean Jones bit on pump fakes and other tomfoolery giving up big games. But, again, that's where veterans come in: they demand an excellence that depends on smart play.
Washington does what he does: be big and massive and eat up blockers. That's what he does. And that frees up everyone else to freelance. Running up the gut for 6 isn't the automatic move for opponents.
Now comes the question of the secondary. Leigh Bodden is Leigh but Gary Baxter (one of last year's big acquisitions) is once again injured. Really, who thought that pectoral and arm injuries where so big to CBs? Complicating things was Daylon McCutcheon also being out. Bodden, Baxter and Cutch is a good 1-2 and nickel. But they haven't played together for any length of time. It also seems that Sean Jones and Brodney Poole are coming along as the safeties. Their maturation seems a little slower. Back in the day their growth would have bene par but in this Free Agency era, waiting three years on a position player is about the limit. My hope is that this puts a fire under their ass.
Overall, I like this D. There are a few questions here and there but there is both veteran presence and some really scary talent in there. Given enough games together (read: no big injuries as depth is also a question. Who will back up Ted Washington? Mmmm...) they might congeal into a really killer unit. Shit, I'd love to see the Bees running in and out opposing backfields. At least this offseason no undrafted rookie racked up 80 yards on the ground.
Offense (Supersized)
So the other side of the ball? Well the Football Gods saw it again to have a great humorous account by having local Ohio product... Cleveland... then Ohio State... Pro Bowl... and he went out in the FIRST play of the FIRST no-pads scrimmage in training camp... ahhhh.
Thanks.
Then the Bees got a Center who "retired" out of nowhere and replaced him with a Center who got busted by the NFL drug program and has to sit four games. So they're working on their fourth Center in a year when they thought they made a long-term investment at the position. And the pickup of Schaffer was smart but against the Bears the first team O-line played together for the first time and did absolutely nothing.
*sigh* Of all the positions you need consistency and comfort between the players it's the line. And on that hinges the entire Offense.
The backs are the only thing with any certainty to it. Reuben luckily avoided a court date. And Terrelle Smith is the boss. Finally the off-tempo back was answered by Jerome Harrison. Along with Wimbley, Harrison will surprise folks this year. The guy is a beast. Every preseason game he picked up 80 all-purpose yards like it was no problem. They just seemed to drop him in and he got his touches and got yards. But since he was an all-time back in a West Coast school not named USC he fell to the later rounds. This kid will make noise.
And might be one of the few bright spots on that side. 'Cause everything else is questions. Will Braylon Edwards continue from where he left off last season? Where will Kellen Winslow be? Will fucking Maurice Carthon get all these kids in on the action or is it going to get in the way of his full sex change operation? The biggest Q in on Charlie Frye. When the O-line was hardy and the RBs set, having a green QB seemed to be OK. They got in Joe Jurevicus to be the sure-thing wideout. But now Charlie's going to have to play smart. To the right check downs. Avoid the sacks. Don't try to win the game single-handedly but his single best feature is his way to make something out of a broken play. Frye needs to swing out, work with his skill posession players. He seems to be doing everything right (is beloved, a leader in the huddle) but the production on the field hasn't been there. I think this offense is too liquid. If hit square in the mouth they might take five quarters to get into a rhythm. That's how games are lost.
Special Forces er... Teams
After the mistake of letting Gardocki go and then picking up 8-Yards Frost, Savage picked up Rocketman Zastudil. Dawson is still pretty clutch. Of course he won't hear the end of the grief because he gets blamed for not going 4-4 in a game when the real fault lies with the offense not getting beyond the opposing 30 yard line (which may continue this year).
Also, ex-Kent State QB Joshua Cribbs is becoming an all-purpose player. Extending his great kick-off return work he's taken to the WR position. I guess everyone needs a slash-player now (Mr Punt/Pass/Kick). The kid might be the real deal.
The Season Breakdown
But will any of this save them? My best hope is that the Browns are like the Bears last year (suck offense with above average running game and a good defense. A congealed defense versus the still-in-progress defense is the real killer) but then the Bears where helped out by living in the cheesecake NFC North (where I think a MAC school went 8-8). That they lead Steve Smith put the wood to them spoke to the lie within the W-L statistic. Quantity gets you into the postseason but Quality gets you to the titlegame. The AFCN is no pushover division. Actually I think they might be the toughest outside the NFC South. Let's look at the schedule:
Sunday, September 10 NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
Sunday, September 17 Cincinnati Bengals
Sunday, September 24 BALTIMORE RAVENS
Sunday, October 1 Oakland Raiders
Sunday, October 8 Carolina Panthers
Sunday, October 15 Bye Week
Sunday, October 22 DENVER BRONCOS
Sunday, October 29 NEW YORK JETS
Sunday, November 5 San Diego Chargers
Sunday, November 12 Atlanta Falcons
Sunday, November 19 PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Sunday, November 26 CINCINNATI BENGALS
Sunday, December 3 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
Thursday, December 7 Pittsburgh Steelers
Sunday, December 17 Baltimore Ravens
Sunday, December 24 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
Sunday, December 31 Houston Texans
I think the Bees will steal one from either the Steelers or the Bengals. It seems every year one of them gives them just enough rope to hang around and take the W. I also think that, even with the inclusion of McNair, the Bees will get one from the Ravens. And although that sounds like a tall order, remember, that's going 2-4 in the conference.
Stratifying the teams, the Bucs, Broncos and Panthers are all almost assured L's (real squads that guile teams that aren't up to the level. They slobber over playing the Browns. A win in Cleveland could turn into homefield advantage). That's three losses (running tally is 2-7).
The Chargers and Chiefs are two teams that still have so many pieces but some big defections (Brees and Roaf respectively) that might be more of a hinderance than pundits are giving credit for. I still see the Bees just getting blown out by the offensive power of these two. The Chargers have a better D too. I'd put them in the top group if it wasn't for the questionmarks around Rivers. Two more losses (2-9).
The Falcons have been exposed. Mora's going to get Vick mobile this year (mostly because it means his job) but Vick hasn't shown the growth into the QB position. Good LBs kill them every time. The Texans are getting waayy too much dap. WTF THEY HAVE NO RBS!! No Davis and no Reggie Bush. Marvin might be a fine DE but who cares when the rest of the defense is crap? They would be in the running for the most overhyped team if it wasn't for people overrating what the Dolphins did last year and Arizona did this year (two classic teams of analysts saying "you know the _______ could make some noise this year" and they go on to lose 10 games while having three players who put up nice numbers). These are fantasy football teams: great on paper, great statistics but no heart, no guile and that sums up to no W's. Everyone always discounts these sort of teams losing all those little players who keep the wheels from falling off. I'd say the Raiders are the same except they have Randy Moss, LaMont Jordan and fifty thousand scrubs. If you're calling Aaron Brooks savior, you are in trouble. These seem to be battles of head coaches and I'd take Romeo against any of these characters (even the great Art Shell who is in the first year of a looonng project).
So adding on the Jets and the Aints, the Bees could go 7-9... but that won't happen because Cleveland always seems to give away one of these games (one of those PAINFUL experiences where each team is trying to give the game away and the commentators and fans are just dumbstruck looking at this bullshit. It's where no one cares. It's a goddamn Benny Hill sketch. Last year it was the Texans game, the year before that was against the Fins).
So that is 6-10. Now some moron would say "well that's what they did last year! They're just spinning their wheels!" To which I would throw that asshole on a fire. See, real teams do one thing more than anything:
They never lose to teams worse than them.
There are no dumb losses. Dumb loses tell you the 9-7 teams to bet against in the first round. Teams that are always game faces and only lose to bad teams when God Himself curses them (i.e. insane injuries, implausible plays).
The Bees going 6-10 this year would require them to beat all teams within their same weightclass and below. That's the crawling that comes before walking. If they maybe lose the game to the Jets but then take one from Carolina or Denver (flying east and down to sealevel) or KC (lakeshore in December) and keep others close. Well then your in the enviable position of being one of those feisty teams that no one wants to play and casual fans don't know. The teams with the chip on their shoulder that takes them to the title game next year. The Bees can have that if they start playing consistently. The defense is clearly ahead of the offense (as they've already had a year in the 3-4 scheme with only veterans and smart rookies coming in). And I just don't trust Carthon to use his skill players. But Reuben and Harrison can probably team up to make any game interesting. If Braylon catches on fire or if Frye keeps on finding KW2 for 12 yards...
The Browns won't be in the playoffs. They will probably be sub .500. But they will be worth watching. And maybe worth writing about before a January autopsy. And that has me excited.
It's Fall in America. Sundays and apple pie and pigskin.
Because my fondness for the NFL falls somewhere in between hip-hop, basketball, women, and...women, I feel obliged to start a weekly tradition here, where I list my picks throughout the season. This will also allow me to start another weekly tradition; ranting on Tuesdays about how poorly I did in my fantasy league(s), and how much (or little) money I won gambling. And now, onto the picks!
MIAMI over Pittsburgh
This was one of the easier picks this week. Vegas apparently disagrees, so it's the lone "Pick 'Em" game this week. Considering how strongly the 'Fins played down the stretch last season, and the fact they have an actual QB now, this shouldn't even be that close. Plus the Steelers are without Big Ben, Hines Ward is banged up, and they still don't have a decent backup to Willie Parker.
NEW ORLEANS over Cleveland
Drew Brees is better then Charlie Frye and Reggie Bush + Deuce McAlliser are better then Reuben Droughns. Plus the Browns won't be doing much offensively until Kellen Winslow Jr. and Braylon Edwards get comfortable, and they figure out who's going to play center for them.
SEATTLE over Detroit
Despite the rantings of BILL SIMMONS, the Seahawks are still a lock for the NFC West title, and a bye the first week of the playoffs. So they lost an All-Pro offensive lineman; the acquisition of Nate Burleson and the return of Ken Hamlin are much more important. Plus, the Lions are still the Lions until Matt Millen is fired.
TENNESSEE over New York
I swear to Buddha, if I get stuck with this game on CBS this Sunday, I'm going to go apeshit. Titans win only because Jeff Fisher > Eric Mangini. Plus, his work in the EA Sports NFL Head Coach commercials was outstanding.
CINCINNATI over Kansas City
Until the Chiefs show us differently, methinks Chad, Rudi and Carson tear them a new one. And as Garcia (and a few other "experts") pointed out, Willie Roaf retiring could be a fairly big speed bump for Larry Johnson.
DENVER over St. Louis
I immediately regret this selection. St. Louis wins at least 10 games this year. Bulger won't take his usual pounding, since Steven Jackson will be getting a ton of work. And adding Will Witherspoon to the defense was HUGE. The Panthers couldn't have afforded to keep him...but he's been arguably as good as Dan Morgan over the past few seasons, and he actually plays the entire season. In fact, ignore my pick above and go with the Rams.
NEW ENGLAND over Buffalo
The only people picking the Bills this week are their fans. I bet even J.P. Losman put money down on the Pats this week.
TAMPA BAY over Baltimore
If you have Jamal Lewis on your fantasy squad, I advise you to bench him. And on Monday, there will be a stampede of people picking up Chris Simms and dropping Vince Young.
CAROLINA over Atlanta
Game of the Week, to be sure. If they don't air this game...I will also go apeshit. Even though Steve Smith is IFFY this week at best, I don't think all the new additions for the Falcons will be on the same page yet. But this will be a close game. I'm predicting overtime.
PHILADELPHIA over Houston
And the beautiful McNabb-Stallworth connection officially starts its season. Of course the fact that I drafted McNabb as my starting fantasy QB may be clouding my judgement a bit...but they are playing the Texans. At least Week 1 will be a breeze for the Eagles.
CHICAGO over Green Bay
The Bears pitch their first shutout of the season, Favre throws 3 interceptions, and Ahman Green loses a leg.
ARIZONA over San Francisco
If Edgerrin James plays an Edgerrin James type game all season, he'll do it in this one. If both coaches were smart, Edge and Frank Gore would have a combined 105 carries at the end of this thing.
DALLAS over Jacksonville
The Jaguars losing Greg Jones will be huge, and anytime a team adds Terrell Owens, they start out their seasons beautifully.
INDIANAPOLIS over New York
The Giants give the Colts a scare. Peyton & Co. only manage to put up 23 points. NFL experts everywhere crap their pants and back off their "Colts win the Super Bowl" statements.
WASHINGTON over Minnesota
Two aging QBs face off. The Redskins will squeak by because they actually have a defense (and a damned good one at that). If Clinton Portis was 100% healthy, they'd whup the Vikings by at least two scores.
SAN DIEGO over Oakland
Start the "LT 4 MVP" watch. Philip Rivers will have his growing pains...but they won't be against the Raiders. Congrats to Art Shell and the Raiders for (1) DROPPING A SOLID STARTING LB, (2) TRADING AWAY ONE OF THEIR DEEP THREATS, (3) FAILING TO TRADE JERRY PORTER, and (4) SIGNING AARON BROOKS. If anybody thinks they'll win more then 4 games, I'd love to hear why.
Time to make some money dag nabbit.
Denver Broncos Schedule
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