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How the mighty have fallen. Remember when Priest Holmes was the uber-fantasy player? Bigger than LaDainian Tomlinson. Bigger than Peyton Manning. If you had Holmes, you were the envy of your league. That was 2003.
In 2006, Holmes isn't even fantasy-worthy. Pushed aside by the emergence of Larry Johnson in the Kansas City backfield last year, now injury-prone and washed-up, Holmes will start the season on the Chiefs' physically-unable-to-perform list. If he reclaims any part of his career, it will be as a bit player.
NFL running backs get a lot of glory if they're good. But it's not a position you get into for the job stability.
1. San Diego Chargers (11-5)
My surprise pick of the AFC. San Diego has the weapons on offense to take over a largely mediocre division. That includes Phillip Rivers, who is getting his long-awaited chance to prove himself after being the consolation prize when Eli Manning whined his way out of San Diego two years ago.
LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates are the best in the NFL at their respective positions. The receiver corps is a bit thin, but still has some punch.
I don't think the Chargers have the defense to do much once they get to the postseason, but get there they should.
The x-factor: Rivers. He can be better than Drew Brees. If he is, he has the weapons at his disposal to do big things.
2. Denver Broncos (9-7)
The Broncos seem to be a fashionable dark-horse selection to advance to the Super Bowl this season. With magic man Mike Shanahan as your coach, I suppose anything is possible. But I just got the feeling that the Broncos were a decent team that overachieved their way to the AFC Championship Game last year. I expect them to regress this year.
We've gone past the water-into-wine phase with Bronco running backs. With Mike and Tatum Bell, Shanahan is treading dangerously close to throwing stuff against the wall to see what sticks. Neither back staked his claim to the feature back position in training camp.
Jake Plummer had a good year last year. But I've never been a huge fan of The Snake. He takes the gunslinger mentality to the extreme. Too often, he's pass-first-think-later. It showed in the AFC title game loss to the Steelers.
The x-factor: the Bells. If Mike or Tatum emerges as a legit feature back, it will allow many more pieces to fall into place for Shanahan.
3. Kansas City Chiefs (7-9)
Coach Herm Edwards loves his running backs. This team is stacked in the backfield. Starter Larry Johnson can be spelled by Michael Bennett and Dee Brown. There's even the off chance that Priest Holmes might be able to contribute again at some point.
If only the rest of the roster were so deep.
QB Trent Green comes with my personal seal of approval. I drafted him in my fantasy league. His stable of targets, however, leaves something to be desired. WR Eddie Kennison and TE Tony Gonzalez are both well past their primes, and they're the best of the bunch.
The defense will rely heavily on LBs Derrick Johnson and Kendrell Bell to provide the leadership. CB Ty Law arrives low on gas and plagued by injuries.
The x-factor. the receiver corps. If they give Green reliable targets, this could be a playoff team.
4. Oakland Raiders (5-11)
I had to re-check the Raiders Web site to make sure that Art Shell had, in fact, been re-hired as the head coach. Who dredges up the failures of the past like that? It would be like the Browns suddenly deciding they wanted to give Jim Shofner a second look.
I chalk it up to another chapter in Al Davis' long, slow, painful descent into senility.
It's not all on Shell, however. The likely advent of another lousy season in the Black Hole will be more the product of Shell's roster.
LaMont Jordan is a decent enough running back. Too bad his rushing is going to be complimented (compromised?) by the throwing of Aaron Brooks and the catching of Jerry Porter. How long do you think it's going to be before Randy Moss spouts off because Brooks isn't finding him downfield? He might not just fake-moon the crowd the next time around.
On defense, the Raiders are anything but scary. Warren Sapp was a beast in Tampa Bay. Now, he's just fat, a postmodern Jerry Ball who can no longer get into the backfield.
The x-factor: Davis. The sooner he relinquishes control of the team, the better off the Raiders will be.
Up next: the NFC North
Why were the 12 angry men angry? 'Cause they were on f$#!ing jury duty, that's why.
· Posting is going to be a little sparser than usual over the next week, 'cause guess what? I got jury duty next week. And while everyone has been telling me, "Oh, you'll be out of there after two days at the most," I'd estimate that every time someone tells you that, the chances of you ending up there all week increase about 5 percent. Last year everyone was telling me I'd only be there a couple days, and I ended up being stuck downtown pretty much the entire week. And on a child-molestation case, no less. That's really how you want to spend your week, hearing detailed stories from a girl about how her granddad touched her in her special place. I'm hoping I get something nice and simple like a good old-fashioned double murder this time around, but my friend Stanley gave me what he insists is a sure-fire way to get out of jury duty altogether: "At some point while they're asking you questions during voir dire, just say, 'If they weren't guilty, they wouldn't be here.' "
· In anticipation of this weekend's big Georgia-South Carolina tilt, T. Kyle King, mayor of the college-football blogosphere, does a head-to-head comparison and re-issues his confession that, in spite of the general historic inconsequentiality of the Gamecocks, he does care about the SC game. I can see where he's coming from: When we played Western Kentucky last week, a lot of Georgia fans grumbled that it was a pointless game, since if we lost, it'd be a suicide-inducing embarrassment, while if we won, even by a lot, the reaction of the rest of the country would be "So what?" Well, the Dawgs are in a similar no-win situation this week, because if we lose, we'll never hear the end of it, while if we win by anything less than a multiple-score margin, we'll still have to hear Gamecock fans crowing for the next 365 days solid about how they "almost" beat us. No shit -- that's what qualifies as an esteem-builder in Columbia these days. Comrade Richt, please beat those slags by more than a TD so that we don't have to deal with that.
OOOOF goes the dynamite.
· In other Dawgblogging news, Paul Westerdawg has a bunch of dynamite photos from the WKU game by Jim Hipple (and anyone who can make that game look exciting is truly an artist) -- including one of Joe Tereshinski showing his loyalty by being the first to congratulate the frosh QB who could very well end up with his job. Paul also put up a quote by none other than little ol' me about JoeT3. Here's wishing the best of luck to both Tereshinski and Stafford this weekend, no matter which one comes out of Columbia with the starter's job.
· Slightly less important, but no less exciting, is this weekend's clash of the titans between #1 Ohio State and #2 Texas in Austin. Now, as I've no doubt told you on multiple occasions before, it is unofficial Hey Jenny Slater policy to root for any team that sent me a "yes" letter when I was applying to college years ago, so that favors the Longhorns. However, I also have a first cousin at Ohio State, so the family could potentially trump the college-acceptance criterion. What to do? Whom do I cheer for? This is all so confusing and I wish someone would help me dec
Oh. Well then hook 'em Horns it is. Thank you, M Zone, for clearing that up for me.
· In case you haven't heard, ABC is preparing to run a pseudo-documentary about "The Road to 9/11," which was written and created by a right-wing activist, has been previewed exclusively by right-wing commentators, and has basically been put together in such a way that it's almost like they're trying to come off as a right-wing fantasy. Fortunately, since we can now make docudramas that just blatantly make shit up about factual historic events and get them aired on major-network television anyway, I've decided to start filming a project I wrote a long time ago called "The Road to Columbine," in which Karl Rove and Paris Hilton got the idea to shoot up their suburban Denver high school after listening to subliminal Satanic messages that Sean Hannity inserted into his radio show. While I'm doing that, Ann has background on the 9/11 con job and info on how you can write to ABC execs to declare your displeasure.
· Speaking of stupid people doing stupid things, Lindsay Lohan got jacked at Heathrow Airport for her Hermès bag that apparently carried $1 million worth of jewelry. Not that this isn't a horrible tragedy, but really, what the fuck is a 20-year-old girl doing running around with seven figures' worth of jewelry in a bag? I can't even carry a bottle of freaking Dasani on an airplane anymore, but Lindsay Lohan is just wandering around with a bag whose contents are worth more than, well, every single dime I've earned in my lifetime? Maybe she was just carrying them around in case she got stuck all by herself with no money in a big city or something and needed to have something to pawn, but dude, that's what travelers' checks are for.
· And now the Ten:
1. Peter, Paul & Mary, "Where Have All the Flowers Gone"
2. Kim Wilde, "Kids in America"
3. Gorillaz, "November Has Come"
4. Röyksopp, "Dead to the World"
5. Miles Davis, "Saeta"
6. The Januaries, "The Girl's Insane" (Thievery Corporation remix)
7. The Brothers Johnson, "Strawberry Letter #23"
8. INXS, "What You Need"
9. Underworld, "Born Slippy (NUXX)"
10. The Police, "Wrapped Around Your Finger"
Feel free to add your own Ten, or any other random thing you wanted to bitch about, jury duty or anything else, in the comments.
Denver Broncos Schedule
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