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A brand new football season is once again upon us. The Steelers look to defend their title, and the other 31 teams try to take it from them. Well, 30 teams actually. As usual, the Bills' main goals for the season are to have a quarterback controversy and fire their coach. The point is, the NFL season can be a wild and crazy thing, and that's why I'm here to fill you in on how the season will unfold.
AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers Hoping to limit the loss of Jerome Bettis' locker room presence, the Steelers have asked backup running back Patrick Cobbs to gain 60 pounds, grow a beard, and walk around the sideline talking about bowling and Detroit. Pick: 13-3
Cincinnati Bengals Bengals linebacker Odell Thurman says the worst part of being suspended for violating the substance abuse policy is constantly getting phone calls from Jose Canseco wanting to know everything about his drug regimen. Pick: 10-6
Baltimore Ravens The Ravens are already very pleased with the way Steve McNair has been a mentor to Kyle Boller. Ravens coaches say that Boller's tackling after interceptions is light years ahead of where it was last year. Pick: 6-10
Cleveland Browns If Kameron Wimbley makes it to week 4 without going on injured reserve he will be the most successful first round draft pick in the history of the new Cleveland Browns. Pick: 6-10
AFC South
Indianapolis Colts There is still no proof the Colts pump in sound to make the RCA dome louder, but last month the team invited fans to the stadium for "free money'", told everyone inside to yell as loud as they could, and then sent everyone home because of electrical problems. Pick: 12-4
Jacksonville Jaguars It's crucial that the Jaguars offensive line stay healthy because in addition to blocking, they'll likely have to carry an injured Byron Leftwich around the field the last six weeks of the season. Pick: 9-7
Houston Texans I'm not saying that the Texans offensive line in bad, but David Car needs protection more than Paris Hilton's new boyfriend. Pick: 6-10
Tennessee Titans Rookie QB Vince Young likes to taunt fellow Rookie Lendale White buy placing his Texas National Championship ring in a donut, tying the donut to a string, and dangling it in front of White's face. Pick: 5-11
AFC East
New England Patriots This summer Bill Belichick once again showed his genius by using the poor play of the Red Sox to skillfully distract fans from the fact that the Patriots have a terrible secondary. Pick: 10-6
Miami Dolphins One of Ricky Williams' favorite things about playing in the CFL is that now when he recreates his favorite scene from the movie "Dazed and Confused", he smokes a joint on the 55 yard line instead of the 50. Pick: 10-6
New York Jets In order to take pressure off Chad Pennington's shoulder, Jets rookies will now be required to brush his teeth and help him get dressed. Pick: 4-12
Buffalo Bills Many scouts believe rookie safety Donte Whitner was a major reach with the 8th pick, however Whitner's mother did have him going as high as tenth in the second of her three mock drafts. Pick: 4-12
AFC West
Kansas City Chiefs In order to help new coach Herm Edwards with is clock management problems, Arrowhead Stadium will forgo showing replays in the last five minutes of games, and instead just show the clock on their scoreboard. Pick: 10-6
Denver Broncos Broncos receiver Javon Walker is happy to be out of Green Bay, although he does concede that Jake Plummer's facial hair could never compare to Brett Favre's manly stubble. Pick: 10-6
San Diego Chargers New starting quarterback Phillip Rivers has guaranteed that he will throw more touchdown passes this year than the returning team leader from last season, LaDainian Tomlinson. Pick: 10-6
Oakland Raiders When the Raiders called Jeff George to offer him a contract, he was at his local Chucky Cheese unsuccessfully trying to beat the high score on the football throwing game. Pick: 5-11
NFC North
Chicago Bears The Bears' starting quarterback job was narrowed down to Rex Grossman and Brian Griese only after the team turned down Kyle Orton's request to have the job decided with a drinking contest. Pick: 12-4
Minnesota Vikings The biggest surprise so far for the Vikings has been that after spending five years on the Baltimore Ravens, new RB Chester Taylor wasn't one of the first two Vikings arrested this season Pick: 9-7
Detroit Lions Proving to people that he doesn't learn from his mistakes, Lions GM Matt Millen picked receiver Mike Williams fifth overall in his fantasy football draft last week. Pick: 5-11
Green Bay Packers The Packers had planned to donate $1,000 to local charities for every Brett Favre touchdown pass this season, however at the request of the charities, they will instead donate $1,000 for every interception he throws. Pick 4-12
NFC East
Washington Redskins After garnering much attention for the outfits he wears to interviews, Clinton Portis has been chosen to appear on the next season of Bravo's "Project Runway." Pick: 9-7
New York Giants As a result of his turnover filled postseason, the Manning family forbade Eli from passing any dishes at their annual 4th of July barbecue. Pick: 9-7
Dallas Cowboys Here is an SAT style analogy that I think best sums up the Cowboy's chances this season Horrible flesh eating liver disease : Liver Terrell Owens : Football Team Pick 9-7
Philadelphia Eagles Experts say that the Eagles weak receiving corps could be their downfall. If only they had used three straight 1st round picks on receivers like the Lions, they could be matching the Lion's success on the football field. Pick: 8-8
NFC South
Carolina Panthers In order to prevent injuries to their injury prone running backs, the Panthers will refrain from running the ball until week nine. Pick: 12-4
Tampa Bay Buccaneers Hoping the recreate the hype surrounding running back "Cadillac" Williams, the Bucs announced that they will now refer to Mike Alstott as "Oldsmobile" Alstott. Pick: 7-9
New Orleans Saints No matter what happens to Reggie Bush this season for the Saints, we can all rest assured that his fantasy team will dominate thanks to Larry Johnson and his ESPN mobile updates. Pick: 7-9
Atlanta Falcons Alge Crumpler's preseason injury forced Michael Vick to awkwardly introduce himself to the teams receivers after spending the last three years on the same team. Pick: 7-9
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks Coach Mike Holmgren spent most of the offseason running the "NFL officials suck" MySpace page he started. Pick: 11-5
Arizona Cardinals As a welcoming gift, Edgerrin James bought each of his offensive lineman a set of gold teeth. Pick: 9-7
St. Louis Rams Going to a Rams game still allows you to see the greatest show on turf. Unfortunately for the Rams, this season their opponents will be putting on the show. Pick: 5-11
San Francisco 49ers Desperate for some way to showcase rookie Vernon Davis' speed on the football field, the 49ers announced Davis will replace a local 10 year old boy as the guy who runs on the field and grabs the tee after kickoffs Pick: 3-13
Manuel Ramos
TOMÁS RIVERA MEXICAN-AMERICAN CHILDREN'S BOOK AWARD The announcement for this year's award says: "A recent newcomer to book writing, Susanna Reich brought dance and choreography icon, José Limon, back to center stage with her latest book, José! Born to Dance: The Story of José Limon. This children’s book, targeted at children ages 5 to 8, chronicles the life of a young boy who dreamed big and stopped at nothing to make his mark as a world-class dancer and choreographer."
This book was illustrated by Rául Colón and published by Simon & Schuster. The publisher says: "Susanna Reich's lyrical text and Raúl Colón's shimmering artwork tell the story of a boy who was determined to make a difference in the world, and did. José! Born to Dance will inspire picture book readers to follow their hearts and live their dreams."
Livin' the dream - that's what it's all about, no?
ETHNIC OR NOT? In a review of David Treuer's new book, Native American Fiction: A User's Manual, Denver Post columnist David Milofsky brings up a few points that many readers of La Bloga might find intriguing. I'll quote a few paragraphs from the review, all of which you can find here:
"Aren't writers of one ethnic group or another inevitably labeled as being spokespeople, whether or not they desire this designation? When Philip Roth first published Portnoy's Complaint in 1969, few Jews were able simply to accept it as literature but rather took it as Roth's ungrateful attack on the Jewish community that had sheltered him and its customs and beliefs. Some Jews went so far as to claim that the novel's whole sensibility was false, that Jewish men are never attracted to gentile women, an assertion made ludicrous by the growing number of inter-marriages in society. Others said Roth was guilty of what is sometimes called 'Jewish self-hate' and the novel and others by Roth were often dismissed without even having been read.
Similarly, Mario Puzo's Godfather saga was taken by some to be an unfair portrayal of the Italian community with few being able to separate Puzo's characters and the themes of revenge and eventual punishment from an apparent need to demonize hard-working Italians everywhere. In both cases, there was concern that outsiders would judge Jews and Italians based on what they read in novels by authors that happened to be from those minority groups.
But these concerns cross ethnic lines. Black writers like Ralph Ellison and Richard Wright were villainized by militants in the '60s for not being sufficiently political, even though Wright had been a member of the Communist Party, and Richard Garcia (sic) became controversial within the Chicano community in recent years because of what some considered his conservative views.
The point is that writers of virtually any minority group will find it difficult simply to be considered only or primarily as writers, a demand it should be pointed out that is rarely if ever leveled against white male writers. The idea that anyone would criticize, say, John Updike for being unfair to upper middle- class white suburb dwellers is ridiculous on its face."
SPANISH-SPEAKING HYSTERIA Meanwhile, Luis J. Rodriguez has written a column that you can find here that takes on the subject of the "hysteria of Spanish-speaking people in the United States." The column, entitled End The Hysteria Over 'Spanish', includes the following:
"The 'English Only' campaigns are designed not to bring unity but to suppress other languages - particularly Spanish - and impose the supremacy of English on our tongues.
I, for one, love the English language. I've spent years trying to master it. But I'm also for having Spanish, Japanese, Hmong, Navajo and Nahuatl (still spoken by millions of people in Mexico and Central America) wherever these may apply. The U.S. Census estimates there are 329 languages spoken here, 154 of which are indigenous. Other reports claim the United States is currently the third-largest Spanish-speaking country in the world.
That is not something to be ashamed of or worried about. It's something to celebrate. The ability to speak Spanish is becoming a necessity in today's America. We all might as well face up to that.
Plus, isn't it better to know more than one language? Many other countries put us to shame in this regard."
Amen, brother.
LATINA LIT GOES MAINSTREAM? According to Hispanic Business, "when Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez’s The Dirty Girls Social Club was published in 2003, Latinas everywhere celebrated the birth of their own commercial ethnic literature. Latina characters, Latina culture, Latina stories. Who then would have guessed that in three years the demand for stories featuring Latina characters would move beyond the Latina market and into mainstream America?" The article also notes that " in these lively books, the characters speak English, Spanish and Spanglish, depending on the situation, so readers everywhere are getting into the hearts and minds of Latino and Latina characters, enjoying their pursuits and tasting their culture."
I haven't read Dirty Girls Social Club or the other book mentioned in the article (Dirty Little Lies by Julie Leto - everything's "dirty"?) so I can't comment on the accuracy of the observation above. Anyone read these? Any comments? Are Valdes-Rodriguez and Leto "spokespersons" for their ethnic group?
Later.
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