Jake The Snake Plummer

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It is the middle of August and as every hack of a sportswriter or sportscaster would say: "We're in the middle of the dog days of summer!" Of course this has nothing to do with man's best friend; everyone knows that the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is roughly six months away. No, these creative pundits are talking about the time of every summer when the sports scene drags: baseball is the only relevant professional game being played (sorry, WNBA), the NFL is in training camp and preseason, basketball--other than this year's World Championships--sits in the back seat, and golf is golf. Let's translate that into the current Bay Area sports world (we'll eschew Oakland): the Giants are closing out a dreadful season, the Niners are coming off a good preseason start but are still far from serious contention, and the Golden State Warriors and Chris Mullin are likely thinking of new ways to sign unproven and underachieving players to hideous contract extensions. Not exactly the greatest state of sporting affairs. So where do you turn when your MLB team sucks, your NFL team doesn't have a realistic chance, your NBA team is run by a recovering alcoholic, and you--like any other heterosexual American--don't like hockey? That's easy: Fantasy Football, another staple of the Dog Days.

The fantasy football movement has gained serious momentum in the past decade, and has rightfully assumed its place atop the male-bonding pyramid next to sporting events, Las Vegas/gambling expeditions, fraternities, beer, Minnesota Viking boat trips (ok, maybe not for all of us), and anything else that makes you and your guy friends feel closer without getting closer, if you catch my drift. Much like I can't imagine my life without sports or television, I can't imagine it without fantasy football (although this girl certainly can). First off, it is easily the best fantasy sport, infinitely better than baseball or basketball (check team once a week, one game a week, etc.). Secondly, as mentioned before, it is a great way to get a (mostly) friendly competition going amongst friends. Finally, it let's what many sports fans dream of but can never experience: managing your own team, much like an actual general manager. For all those reasons--and many others--the draft and subsequent season are always one of the year's sports highlights; no matter how bad your hometown teams are, at least you have fantasy to fall back on. That is unless you suck at fantasy sports. If that's the case, you have come to the right blog.

If by now you haven't realized that my draft is tonight and I am really just writing this out of pure excitement and anticipation, then you may as well stop reading now, because no amount of advice I could possibly give you could help. But for those who would like to venture on, here are my top five tips for the upcoming fantasy season:

1. Larry Johnson is not all he is hyped up to be. Before you hurl feces at the computer, let's get this out of the way: I am not disputing his talents. He is a good running back. But how much of Larry's success this past season was due to the Chiefs' offensive line? If I do recall, Priest Holmes set an NFL touchdown record behind that line, and I know from personal experience that a nobody like Derrick Blaylock was a decent fantasy player while filling in for an injured Holmes. All this is fine--Emmitt Smith (personal site) would have been nothing without those great lines in Dallas--except that KC lost two of its starting lineman in Willie Roaf and John Welbourn. The replacements? Kyle Turley, who has been out of the NFL for two years, and a bunch of journeymen. If LJ is going to trump last year, he won't do it behind one of the NFL's best offensive lines anymore.

2. Be wary of the returning from injury player. It is always said that players recovering from torn knee ligaments (ACL, MCL, PCL) take a full year of playing before they finally regain a comfort level, and will play like they did before the injury. Of course this is not always true; just ask Boobie Miles. This is especially true for a player who needs lateral movement and change direction (i.e. running back, wide receiver, defensive secondary). In fantasy verbatim, it takes a runner or receiver longer to regain their pre-injury form than, say, a quarterback. This year's list of players coming back from injury includes some big fantasy names: Daunte Culpepper, Carson Palmer, Javon Walker, Ahman Green, Kellen Winslow and Deuce McAllister, to name a few. I tend to stay away from any position player recovering from injury, and I would definitely hesitate taking Culpepper (who hasn't shown anything yet without Moss) and Palmer (tension surrounding Bengals). The safest bet of the aforementioned five? Probably Walker.

3. Rookie receivers never pan out--running backs do. No rookie receiver made a consistent fantasy impact last year. Save your Braylon Edwards sob stories. It has proven difficult for college wideouts (like Reggie Williams, right) to transition to the pro game in their rookie years, while runners have little difficulty. I do not see a single receiver from this year's class making any type of impact that would warrant a draft pick, but Reggie Bush, Laurence Maroney, DeAngelo Williams, and LenDale White could all be worth a pick. I'm not on the Joseph Addai bandwagon, however.

4. Get yourself a good tight end. The NFL has fallen in love with tight ends; Vernon "The Truth" Davis was the highest ever selected at that position in this past draft. In most offenses, the tight end is a focus in the red zone, always imperative. But more and more the tight end is being used between the 20s. Tony Gonzalez started the revolution, and many others have followed. While there are plenty of capable receivers in the NFL, tight ends are not as bountiful. Keep an eye on Chris Cooley, who will be playing the role of Gonzalez in Washington's new offense under former Chief's offensive coordinator Al Saunders.

5. The TO Situation. Now, I hate TO. Let's get that out of the way. I still have his damn jersey, as you might already know. Everyone has their eyes on Dallas to see how this whole situation will go down. Normally, I would say take a flier on Terrell Owens in this situation. Normally, he doesn't wear-out his welcome with his quarterback until after one and a half productive seasons, and then either sulks the rest of the way or gets himself booted from the team. However, he has never had to deal with a quarterback as maddening as Drew Bledsoe. While Bledsoe has as good an arm of anyone in the league, his decision-making can be sketchy, and we know that TO likes the ball all the time. However, Bledsoe has spent a good portion of his career pleasing prima-donna receivers (Terry Glenn and Keyshawn Johnson). So how will this work out? I can't say. I'm not going to touch this situation (and probably regret it), but I am hoping that TO does something to completely ruin the Cowboys' season.

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Potential Busts
- Owens
- Daunte Culpepper
- Philip Rivers
- Jake Plummer
- Steve McNair
- The Cincinnatti Bengals
- Joey Galloway
- Chris Simms

Sleepers
- Owens
- Mike Bell, Broncos (or anyone who starts in their backfield)
- Lamont Jordan
- Chris Cooley
- Ladell Betts
- Koren Robinson
- Greg Jennings (I know, rookie receiver)
- Drew Brees
- Brandon Lloyd
- Koren Robinson
- Reggie Brown
- LJ Smith
- DeAngelo Williams
- Kurt Warner